


Doctor Who - Whouffaldi - Unspoken Words

by Samstown4077



Series: Whouffaldi [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Drama, F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 15:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2392952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samstown4077/pseuds/Samstown4077
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after "The Caretaker". Words have been said others left unspoken. The Doctor returns the day after "The Caretaker" back to Claras home. She can feel something is wrong. Will they travel again together? Will they find out what they really want? Whouffaldi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After the Caretaker I felt the need to write out my emotions. I had the plan to write something very sad and without a happy end. I couldn't decide till I had finished it. Find out for yourself.  
> English is not my native, thanks for reading anyway.

There it is. The wheezing and groaning. The familiar sound of the Tardis.

Clara lets out a sigh of relief, when she hears the Tardis materialize in her bedroom. She has to admit, after the events at her school - the blitzer and above all the heated confrontation between the Doctor and Danny, she was afraid, he wouldn’t show up again. At least not so fast. 

She places her tea cup on the counter and paces over to her bedroom. The door pumping slightly against the blue wood. Seeing the old blue box, she has to smile at it. Her hand softly strokes over the wood, before she pushes the door open. Quickly she takes two steps inside, coming to an hold to let her eyes wander around in the room. 

How often had she came in here? Every Time again, she is astonished by the sheer wonder of the Tardis. This bigger on the inside magic trick. The soft humming, the lightning and the thin scent of her Doctor in the air. Home. It felt like coming home. Though, this time, she can sense something else. Something is wrong, but she can’t tell what it is. It is the same desktop, the same sounds, the same round things on the wall. The shelves and the books. Blackboards, filled with scribblings and drawings. Nothing has really changed, and yet, she can feel it deep down in her stomach, that something is so very different. 

“Doctor?” her voice asks into the big space of the room, almost worried, scared he isn’t there. He is nowhere to be seen. Her eyes are scanning the room again, this time more carefully. Then, she catches a movement behind one of the metal pillars. “Doctor!”

He had stood in the shadows, a safe point, waiting for her to come in. Worried she wouldn’t. When she did, he kept still, waiting. Looking. Observing her in secret. How her eyes scanned the room, how her hand subconsciously hold tight on the metal rim, fearing he wouldn’t be there. 

“Clara.”

She looks up to him, smiling softly, letting loose of the rail, to walk up to the console, never leaving him with her eyes. “I am glad you came.”

He gives a weary smile to her, before walking down the stairway, to the console, a few steps away from her. His hand searching the lever. Yet not pressing it down, just holding it, as if he would be afraid to lose balance. 

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” his voice is monotone, and there is a strange shimmer in his eyes. It doesn’t make sense to her. 

Is he still mad? They all had said stupid and abusive remarks to each other. The Doctor to Danny, Danny to the Doctor and Clara to the Doctor. They had all saved the world, but she had sensed that they all had started to destroy another. 

She could lie about it, but she is no more in the mood for it. Danny was right, lying only shows the real person, and that is a sad metaphor. She didn’t wanted to show Danny nor the Doctor who she really is by lying. The damage that was done 24 hours ago, had to be looked back on and reappraised. 

“When you left yesterday, it was not totally in peace. There are still some things unspoken and unclear,” she realizes she was trying to kill time, because she is afraid to be straight to him. “Yes, I was afraid you wouldn’t show up.”

The Doctor lets out a long breath, his eyes steady on her, his knuckles white from his tight grip. “Clara.” 

She can hear sadness in the word. He tries to hide it, but she knows him better. The smile he gives her, is a true one, but it is also a fake. A mask, concealing something. Sadness in the first place, and something else. He feels, she is reading him, considering him, about to expose his true feelings, so he quickly pushes down the lever and the Tardis comes to life. 

“Where are we going?” she quickly grabs the console, because the start off is a bit bumpy. 

“I don’t know. I let the Tardis decide,” he presses another button and the flight becomes steady again. 

Clara watches the heart of the Tardis beat, asking her in her mind, why the Doctor is so different. She knows the Tardis will hear her, she never will give her an answer, but Clara knows the Tardis always hears her. 

She steps a bit closer, “since when you give up the control?” She tries it with daring, hoping to lure him out of his cave. 

It works a bit, also he can see through her try. “I found out, it sometimes helps.”

Then the Tardis stops , but there is no landing sound, the flight just stops. “Where are we?” 

The Doctor looks at the monitor, “it seems we not really have moved. A few thousand kilometers, but still around the corner from earth.”

Clara turns around, walking to the door. Looking back for a second, to get the Doctors approval for opening the door. He nods to do so. 

They are in space, “I can’t see earth. Are you sure?”

“When I was not?” he walks up to her, stopping two steps away from her. She is right, there is no earth. “I said we didn’t move in distance, I never said we didn’t move in time.”

She rolls her eyes, “you trying to be clever again?”

His eyes roam over her back, giving her an unseen grin. “It is 4,57 Billion years ago.”

Eyes wide open, she turns around in amazement, “Four point…, woah. We never have traveled that far, haven’t we?”

“No, we haven’t,” his eyes get lost in the dark space in front of them. 

Clara turns around and sees him stare. He is not about to break away from his view, even he knows that she is looking at ihm. So she takes the chance he gives her, to study the look on his face. His eyes are tired. A thin streak of black is underlining them and it is to her, as if he had cried recently. Cryed? Really? Does the Doctor cry? She never saw him do that. Somehow she believed that Time Lords are maybe not capable of crying. 

His eyes break away and find hers. His lips are twitching slightly up. ‘Oh Clara,’ he thinks. Taking in all the details of her face. Her brown eyes. Intelligent and daring at the same time. The soft skin - young as ever. And her funny nose. The last time he had seen her, he had flicked her nose, when going invisible. He smiles at the memory. 

“You alright?” she frowns at him, knowing something is wrong. “You are still mad, aren’t you?”

“Why should I be?” he turns around quickly, going back to the console. 

“I think you know pretty well!”

Both his hands are on the console now, softly stroking over it, till his fingers gliding over the edge and he rubs his fingertips together, as if there would be dust. “Help me out, will you?”

She huffs, but she defers. “That Danny is my boyfriend.”

“Ah, yes, I remember. The PE Teacher,” seeing her eyebrows come dangerously close together, he corrects fast, “Math teacher!” looking down to his feet, “sorry.”

“Since when do you apologize?” she is still standing by the open door. Yes there is something wrong. Definitely. The Doctor doesn’t apologize. Not like that. She had expected him to bicker on over Danny and being a soldier. Instead he apologized. 

“I learned my lessons,” there it is again, this sad smile, flickering over his face with an impression as if it would hurt. 

“What is wrong?” she steps toward him. 

“We had a fight, it is as you said; words were said, that shouldn’t have. Other were unspoken.”

“No, this I didn’t mean. What is wrong with you. Something is, I can feel it. What do I miss?”

“I have almost forgotten, how smart you really are,” he tries to be sarcastic, but fails. 

She walks back to the door. “What would happen when I would jump?”

The Doctor quickly makes two steps into her direction, “Clara, no!” She leans forward, and he not only hurries to the door, now he runs. He runs for her. Taking her arm, holding her back. “What are you doing?”

She sits herself down onto the porch of the Tardis entry, the Doctor only let go of her when he she softly pats his hand away. 

Her legs hang down, it feels weird. She sits in space, is breathing space, but the Tardis safety field keeps her alive. 

“So?”

“So what?” she eyes him from down there.

“So you still,” he tries to be casual, tries to be respectful at the same time, what is hard, especially for him, “still with the P- Math teacher?”

Clara inhales sharply - how dare he could ask. Hadn’t she made her point? She jumps up, not talking the hand he is offering her. She shuts the doors, to withhold herself from saying something too rude. 

“We didn’t split up over night, when you was hoping for that,” she walks back to the console, he doesn’t follow. “He is my boyfriend, we are dating not only since yesterday, you know that. I really care about him,” she pauses there. Looking at him, hoping she could catch a glimpse of a reaction from him, but he has his face under control. He is giving nothing away. “Yes he is … was a soldier, but I don’t need your approval! You are not my… my space-dad!”

The word makes him shift his upper body, “glad I am not,” he grabs the handrail, at the exact same spot where Clara had her hand a few minutes ago. 

Folding her arms in front of her, she walks around the console. She is mad at him, still - unaware of this till right now. After walking one round she comes to an hold, the Doctor still hasn’t moved and seems not to say something, so she does.

“Why do you make such a fuss of this? Yes, okay, the soldier thing, I can understand .. at least a bit. In the end, it is my decision, it is my life. I can date anyone I want!”

“‘Of course you can.”

“So why there is a problem?” her hands are on the console, facing the Tardis core. Still asking in her head what is wrong. No answer. 

Shifting again, he will not answer the question. “I thought you were dating the bow-tie guy… .”

Slowly now, the answers are dripping in. The remark, about the bow tie, how could she not get it the first time he mentioned it?  
‘Stupid, Clara, stupid!’ Swirling around on her heels she finds him only a few steps away from her. Close enough to touch her, but not close enough to invade her personal space. She hadn’t hear him move. Confused by his near she makes a step to the side, as if she wants to allow him to walk over the lever. He makes no intention to do so, just looks at her, curious and full of questions and at the same time full of answers. Clara knows she only has to say the right words, has to ask the right questions, and he will spill them out. She can see he wants to say things, the unsaid ones, wants to get them out of his mind, his body. Though he is not that candid, he wants her to discover - only then she will fully understand.


	2. Chapter 2

“I didn’t get it the first time, when you mentioned it. The bow-tie, Andrew, you thought he is my boyfriend.”

“My mistake,” he admits. Yes, he was mislead -by his emotions, by his hopes, by his hearts. 

“It was fine, as long as I was dating … a copy of you, of your last … you,” dipping her forehead, spreading away her fingers to throw her thought toward him. 

He knows when he said it, he thought he was obvious and easily presumed that she got what he had meant. Now he feels uncomfortable, feels as his prime instincts are revealed. He feels ashamed.  
“I assumed it yes,” he ponders over the words. “When you are true to yourself, you know why I assumed it.”

Clara stares at him, in anger and in sadness. “You told me, you are not my boyfriend.” Harsh and straight forward, like an arrow straight into the center of his feelings.

He can feel it physical, how the pike is entering his chest, feel the pain and he straightens up. His shoulders are cramping together. For a few seconds he is about to shatter in front of her, but he pulls himself together, sending over a forced, thin lipped smile, “I am no boyfriend material anymore, so.”

“But this is not what you said.”

He is about to lose his patience, not with her exactly. More with himself. More with the situation. I doesn’t want to talk about it, nevertheless sees the necessary. 

“I remember very well what I have said to you. I remember very well, what you said, yesterday. I remember! It doesn’t matter how much time I spent alone, I remember! Every minute, every moment. There is always you, and what you said, and what I said and,” the pieces now fall apart, “and… what I have never said.”

Now she knows what is wrong, why his eyes look so different, why the Tardis looks so distant. There are still books and shelves and blackboards, but the books are not the same, the shelves have a bit more dust onto it and the blackboards do not show the same scribblings as yesterday.

“How long is it for you? How long since yesterday - for you?” she steps up, frowning, angry, worried, pressing, pushing - demanding him. “Don’t lie, I know you better than anyone else. Don’t even try.”

The Doctor turns away from her, toward the console, placing a hand on it to find some confidence in the cold metal. Facing her, “ten years.”

“What? Ten years! Why would you do this? What did you do while that?” 

“I couldn’t come back, I wanted, but I couldn’t. It simply hurt. Hearing your words. So I decided to stay away for a bit. First I went for a week, then for a month and so on.”

“Got you distracted or what?”

“No. I just coudn’t find the courage.”

“You ran away, again!”

“I didn’t ran away, Clara. I always stayed in orbit. Here. Were the Tardis brought us.”

She realized what he had done to himself. Spending a decade alone in space, not moving just waiting, grieving and thinking. “Ten years are long.”

“For you, yes. For humans it would be an awful long time. What are ten years to me? Nothing.” The lie is obvious. Ten years in silence, just staring into space, with an paralysed mind, would gnaw at each Time Lords lucid mind. More than once he was about to jump into the darkness. 

“And yet you returned the next day after. Why? Why didn’t you let me wait?”

In his face she can see, that he had thought about it, for a moment. That he had played with the possibility.

“I have abandoned you once when I was on Trenzalore. I made you sacrifice yourself, becoming echos to safe me, and I saw you die - because of me - enough times - I think I have done enough damage-”

“-It was not you, it was your last regeneration!” she interrupts. Her voice is a only bit outrageous, but inside she is mad as hell.

“It is always me, remember! This is a different face, a different case,” his long fingers gesture over his frontal, “but the same package. Characteristics and feelings are don’t go away, they just evolve or grow new. I couldn’t face you, because I knew, I just was an… alien friend for you and since your first encounter with this face, you have moved on. You wanted a relationship, and found one. When I believed you are dating this young man with the bow tie, I felt flattered. I felt success. I knew you wouldn’t date me, because lets be honest, I am no boyfriend material. I am old - look at this face! So I pushed you away, constantly. And then this PE..Math teacher arrived and I found out that it was a huge mistake, pushing you away,” placing his hands inside his pockets he has to turn away for a moment. 

“Why haven’t you never said something?”

Turning back to her, “you had already made your decision, it was too late. It was my fault. So that’s why I came back today and not later. There was no reason of punishing you for it. Let you wait 10 years,” and he adds with agony, “let me find out, you married him, have kids with him, a house and a dog. It is just one push with the lever, but I couldn’t find the courage. I don’t want to know.”

Her hand has to cover her mouth, so in shock she is, after hearing all this. The events of her yesterday are flooding through her mind, bringing up the pictures and the fights again. Also new perspectives and hearing her say “it is not my type”. Hearing herself hurt him. 

She mumbles something under her cover, before turning away, taking now her other hand for more cover. He can see her shoulders jerg, her posture falters. 

“Clara?” he takes one step into her direction. “W-what is wrong?”

“You stupid, stupid Time Lord!” she yells, turning around, tears floating over her cheeks. “You are so stupid!” she walks up to him, races almost, in fury, and slams her fists against his chest. 

Caught in surprise it takes him a few blows till he can grab her arms. She is strong and they struggle for a few seconds till he pulls her in, embracing her with his long arms. It is the best way to prevent her from hitting him. 

“Why do you do this to me, Doctor?”

“To you? But-”

She hits her forehead against him, till he lets go of her, searching cover behind the console. “I came back, because I don’t wanted to hurt you with not showing up anymore! I wanted to be a good man - at least once, and now you are hitting me and yell at me.” He rubs his chest, knowing there will possibly a bruise from her attack left behind. 

“Don’t you see?” she cries out, her hands in front of her pointing toward him. “Do you really not see?”

He wants to break down, wants to fall apart - he not wants to go on. Not with this, not with everything. “Can’t you see?” he asks instead. 

She can, yes. On the other side she always thought she was wrong about it. With all the scolding, the bad remarks, the “not your boyfriend” demeanor - who could blame her for pushing away the knowledge as far as she could. 

“I love him,” she sees him look at her in pain. “I really do!” 

Uttering, “I know.” 

Clara will not say it, not admit it - something, he should know by now - he was not that stupid at all, even after 10 years in exile. It is his turn and if he wants to leave without saying it, she will not stop him. She will not be the weak little girl, running after him - again. Like in on of this banal, dull films. 

“Just go, will ya!” she wants to scream at him, yet she has no more power to do so. Turning away, glaring at the floor. Lost. The first time ever, she is lost in her home.  
“Push the lever and leave, and never come back,” she regrets it already, she is angry, and she has all the rights to be it.  
Though her head adds ‘except you have something really important to say, like you love me or so.’ What a childish hope. 

He presses the bar down. Nothing happens. The Tardis does not move. Frowning he tries it again. And again. “Come on!”

“Don’t tell me your ride broke down?” 

“She refuses to move,” he states. 

“Then convince her to do so,” Clara just huffs, and turns back to the door, opening it aggressively to sit down on the porch again. 

The Doctor stands in front of his console, looking at the Tardis and the monitors, knowing there is nothing he can do, to make the machine move. Not in a technical sense. Cursing at her in his mind, he waves her off and slowly walks over to Clara. He clears his throat and makes some noises on purpose to not startle her - in the end she falls off his doorstep, right into space. 

Standing close beside her, she makes no intention of looking up or saying anything. Of course she knows that the Tardis is not damaged and there are other reasons why she is not moving. 

“Do you know what day it is?” he casually leans against the frame, watching some nebula appear. 

“Obviously the worst I had since a long time,” she grumbles. 

A short laugh escapes him, before he decides to sit down next to her. The space is limited so their shoulders have to touch inevitable. “Actually, it is the day. Your best day - humans best day.”

She does not understand, and the look she gives him, gives it away. Instead of answering he dotes into space, toward the nebula. It has become crowded and tight and had started glowing. Contracting together it seemed something had started to brew in the middle of it. 

“What is happening?”

The glowing gets more intense and then out of a sudden there are sparkles, and fireworks and colours. The universe in turmoil. 

“Now,” he says. “Welcome, to the beginning of earth.”

A planet born, brandnew, not looked familiar yet. Still 4,57 billion years time to become what it will be one day. 

She is in awe. ‘I see wonders.’ Miracles. How often has she seen death? To run with the Doctor was not easy, inevitable you not only see wonders, you all too often see people die. Planets go. War. There are happy ends, love and friendship. However, the big wonders are so, so seldom. 

“Why are you showing me this?”

“I am not showing you this,” quickly. “The Tardis is.” He swings his legs and watches his boots swirl around like seats of a swing carousel.

She does look too and says then, “why is she showing us this, then?”

Now he is in awe, of Clara’s smartness. How stupid of him. He turns around for a short moment to look at the core. Giving a laugh. 

“I guess it is a reminder.”

“For what?”

“That things happen, that things come to life. And sometimes need a very, very long time to become what they supposed to be.” Suddenly there is courage. “Characteristics and feelings are don’t go away, they just evolve or grow new, remember?”

“Doctor, please-”

“Like the love I feel for you,” stretching his feet forward, till it seems for him, that he touches the growing creation. “Always felt. I just needed a very, very long time to understand that.”

She turns toward him, who is still watching the new born star. 

“I am not your boyfriend,” he goes on quickly. “I don’t want to be your boyfriend.”

“I am not sure you understand the concept of confessing love,” she teases only to hide her nervousness. 

He looks at her, smiling, “I can’t be your boyfriend. I won’t cuddle with you on your sofa every evening. Having lousy dinners with your family on sundays. Buying you a neat house in upper London. Raising kids with you. I can’t be your boyfriend.” He is crying, a single tear. “I wish I could, but you know I can’t. I am the Doctor, there are things to do, planets to save and a home to find.” 

Taking his hand in hers, she leans against his shoulders. ‘Don’t fall in love.’ Too late. “I know.”

Both gaze toward the new star and maybe twenty minutes pass by or just twenty seconds when he adds, “I don’t want to be your boyfriend. I want to be more.”

What could she say? They never could be together, not like an ordinary couple. She loves being ordinary with Danny. And she loves running away with the Doctor. Yes, she loves Danny, but she loves the Doctor too, long before him. Loves him without questions, loves him without hesitation. 

She keeps quiet, and is unaware of her mistake, is unaware, that her dumb Time Lord can’t read her mind and is way too alien to read between the lines. 

He should know by now, he knows that, but he is so troubled inside, so still paralyzed by his own chosen exile. Now it is all about words, he needs to hear from her. A deep breath, before he looks away again, disappointed. 

“I’ll take you home,” he stands up, helping her up and only lets go, when they have both closed the door together. 

The Tardis is now in the mood for moving, and parks herself in Claras bedroom again. The Doctor walks with her to the door. 

“What now?” fiddling with the hem of her blouse. 

“You better go, sure you are late for your boyfriend,” he says it on purpose, using the phrase as a needle. The last trick he can pull, after all of his confessions. 

“Bringing back the Status Quo, yeah?” her voice gets icy, his sting was played well.

“To think after all this, something has changed, would have been… idiotic, wouldn’t it?” shoving his hands back into his pockets. “You love him, remember?”

Clara feels the need to slap him, once more, as a last goodbye. She can hold herself back. Knowing it would release some of her pain only for some minutes. “Why do you have to ruin this moment?”

He grabs for the door handle and rips it open, “what do you want, Clara? That I am begging you? I will not beg you! It is better this way, you don’t have to make the decision anymore. Now go,” he shoves her out of the Tardis, “go to your boyfriend!” 

The door goes shut behind her, but as fast as he had shoved her out, so fast she is back inside. Walking up to him, stopping him half way walking back to the console. The slap in his face is loud and resounding. For a split second he believes he will regenerate again, so painful it is.  
“What was that for?”

“I hate you sometimes!”

“Better so than the other way,” he calls out without thinking. 

“Why you think that?”

He points at himself, “see this? I can’t be your lover boy!”

“First; I don’t want a lover boy! Second; never again, do believe you can make decisions for me! I can do it on my own, I don’t need you for it! It is not your right to keep me away from the pain that will bring it. You can’t tell me, you love me, and then take it back.”

“I didn’t take it back.”

“No, you are more worst. You hurt me, even that you love me. How cruel can someone be?” she turns around and stamps to the door. “You are over 2000 years old, and you are still so really out of it and blind like a newborn.”

The doors goes shut with a loud bang. His hand is already on the lever again, and he tries to push it down. His knuckles white, his face reddened from ire and frustration. He can’t.

“She will come back!” he gestures, speaking with the Tardis. Rubbing his forehead, stomping onto the ground with one feet. “Sure she will.” Walking over to the staircase he takes one of the books and starts to browse aggressively through it. After each side he checks for the door. The books flies to the next corner, when the Doctor walks fiercely to the door. 

“I am leaving now!” he yells.

“Than do it!” it yells back from the other side. 

“I do it, Clara!” he fears she means it, fears she really never wants to see him again.

“So do I!” she stands in front of his door, arms akimbo, shaking in constant fear he will really leave. 

A few more minutes they stand there, waiting for each other to come in or to come out. Both to stubborn, both to scared. 

“Alright,” they both whisper to themselves. Eyes closed, deep breath - again. Forward. The doors go open, the Doctor steps out, Clara steps in. They turn around. Dumbstruck. 

The Doctor is the first who finds his speech again, “I love you!” now with more vigour, more force and more claiming. He wants to hear something back, his hands are clinging to the air. 

Clara stands there, on the porch, frowning at him. Slowly she starts to smile, starts to know what she wants. She is like a cat, jumping at him, flinging her arms around him, making him bending down - kissing him - finally.

When her lips cover his, all of his resistance against touching is brushed away. He wanted to keep her away, so no hugs and no cuddling. He couldn’t have stand it, till now. He gives in with his lips, embracing her with his arms, holding her tight. Lifting her from the ground. 

She is his and he is hers. Now and forever. Whatever forever is. A day, a night, a month or ten years. Or a lifetime. He doesn’t care anymore, he only knows, that Clara is what he needs, and the Doctor is what Clara wants. 

How the story will end? 

Who knows. 

Who - knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unsure if this is a good end. Maybe I should add a chapter where they are leaving each other or so...
> 
> If you liked it -- > leave a comment or a kudo! Thanks for the read!!


End file.
